Sunday, February 7, 2010

Overheard at Walmart

A while back I was picking up groceries at Walmart for my dear wife. Since grocery shopping is one of those activities I particularly loathe (especially at Walmart), I was rushing through the store as quickly as was humanly possible.

As I made my way past the end of an aisle, my ears picked up on what must have been one heck of a conversation. Two guys, obviously friends who hadn't seen each other in a while, were standing near the end of an aisle.

The first guy says to the second guy, "Once, my ex-girlfriend loosened all the lug nuts on my car. The next day I was driving to work and..."

As soon as I realized what I had just heard, I hesitated. I was already out of earshot, but dying to hear how the rest of the conversation played out. What happened that morning? Did the wheels come off his car? Did his car fly off the road and land on a flock of wild turkeys? Did he send a breakup text to his girlfriend from the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital?

Alas, in my uncertainty, too much time had passed for me to go back and attempt to eavesdrop on the rest of their conversation. Besides, I was in Walmart. The less time I spend in that place, the happier I am. So I finished getting the things on my list and raced to find a line with less than 37 people in it.

But can you imagine? His ex-girlfriend loosened all the lug nuts on his car. All. Of. Them. Either she was furious with him, or else she was one of those psychotic people you hope you never have the pleasure of meeting. Had he been caught in a Tiger Woods? I'm thinking he hadn't. Not that I have any experience in these matters, but I would think that most women faced with that kind of situation and who would resort to violence, would do so immediately.

No, the fact that this woman would sabotage his car in the middle of the night would indicate that what she did was cold, calculated, and methodical. Perhaps she was trying to get rid of him and make it look like an accident. Was there insurance money involved? Nah. Too cliché. Maybe he had forgotten their 19 1/2 week anniversary, which obviously meant that he didn't love her and had plans to date her sister on the side. Such a shortcoming in a man obviously means that not only is the relationship is unsalvageable, but that the @#$% must die.

In any case, I would say that the guy is lucky to have escaped from that relationship with his life and full use of all his limbs. Hopefully his car survived as well.


L.T. Elliot said...

That is WILD! You're right, it's totally calculated. That's a LOT of effort. Sure makes you wish you heard the end of it! (BTW, way to go shopping for Rebecca. You're awesome, James.)

Karen said...

I am always amazed at how many crazies there are. It would have bugged me too!

Helmbunch said...

Totally calculated, but perhaps she thought he loved the car more than he loved her. Actually many, many years ago, I might have done something like that just for kicks and giggles--I mean I hot wired cars just to see their owners run out of the house. Ahh, the days of stupidity!